The Worst Period

When I was 12, I was relatively new to having WW3 in my uterus. I, like the stupid girl I was, asked my father if I could visit my grandparents with him, on the train for a total of 9 hours, without my sisters or mum. Irregular periods-nah, I wasn’t going to get my period at the most inconvenient time like I usually did. (My first period happened when a nanny was here and my friend was coming over for a day of baking and other such activities where I couldn’t curl up and die with paracetamol and chocolate) Imagine my surprise when Aunt Flo decided to turn up for a torturous visit.

Having just discovered that my underwear was full of blood, I placed an awkward, crooked pad in my pants (which then proceeded to annoy me until I changed it) and dashed downstairs, forcing a smile on my face. I left the house with my father and we walked briskly to the station. I was smiling that smile a relative dying of a painful illness gives a young child, pretending that there’s no pain so as not to upset the child. I chatted at the pace Usain Bolt runs, all the while wishing somebody would kidnap me and knock me out so that I only woke up when the police arrested them in their van and the pain was gone and I was fine. I swear it would’ve been less traumatic than this.

We caught the train and I had to grin and bear it, texting my sister and my best friend texts about how I was DYING. Did I mention that there was no/terrible wifi and back then, I worshipped wifi, so I was grumpy.

We sprinted to catch the tube, my dad dragging me half of the way. I distinctly remember sliding round a corner, him pulling me along as I lost my balance. I got stuck in the tube doors, but they didn’t reopen, they kept closing so I had to wriggle through before they crushed me. I was already in a bad mood and now, I could have been renamed, “Angry Alice” because the hulk had nothing on me, half-crazed with pain and hormones and further angered by circumstance. I sat and grimaced, the closest I could to a smile.

I can’t quite remember what happened exactly, but we got on a train for about 2 hours and the train had wifi which didn’t work. Now, sure having no wifi drove me crazy, but promising me wifi and internet and youtube and then denying me that one simple THING?! That just pushed me over the edge. But still, I had to smile and laugh and act as if the world was a lovely place full of scented flowers, skipping lambs, chocolate and music. (Spoiler alert: It’s not)

We finally got off the train and went to the loo. I’d had a super absorbent pad on for slightly more than half the time you’re supposed to, and I had a heavy flow. It should have been fine. I’d bled right through the damn pad and stained my pants. It was a good thing I was wearing black trousers. I fumbled with the zip to my handbag which contained all of my pads and the stuck zip promptly broke. I stuffed some tissue in my pants, knowing full well that it would annoy me and would be like trying to absorb an ocean with a wad of tissue paper. I was right. I felt the urge to fidget and sort it out and my stomach hurt like hell. I was FURIOUS!!!!!!!!! 

But I had to act like everything was fine and dandy and skip around the shops in the concourse, letting my dad drag me to look at the men’s sports magazines. We boarded the train from Birmingham to the place in Worcestershire where my grandparents lived and I slumped in a chair next to random strangers who would be shocked if I let rip the string of words I wanted to yell right now. I kept them in and smiled cordially at no one in particular, because if you make eye contact you are destined for a life of misery and destitution. It’s an unwritten rule.

We took a taxi with pale seats to their house and I sat nervously on the edge of my seat, praying that Niagara Falls wouldn’t gush onto the seat from me. We reached their house and I was forced to sit for 2 and a quarter hours, politely answering questions and slowly talking so they could hear when I really wanted to just take a knife out, stab myself and end the misery, yelling out words which would make Trump call me disrespectful.

I even had to walk with my dad to buy my granny flowers and I had to get up from a chair where my pain was bearable and force my pained body to happily move and chatter and smile and skip along to the shop, dither over what flowers/sugary treats to buy and then queue up and buy them with an angelic smile on my face. Now, I love my granny, I’d buy her flowers any day and my Grandad is welcome to as many sugary treats he can eat. But understand, any boys reading this, a period is worse than a kick in the balls. Can you imagine hating girls but feeling horny, having to stuff random objects up private places to stop you from bleeding dark, disgusting liquid everywhere, being in crippling pain for about a day and feeling like an emotional wreck? Probably not.

Eventually we went back to the train station in another taxi with me, once again, nervously perched in mid air with a seat belt keeping me up, my thighs fire. We got on the train back and the entire journey home, cramps invaded me. Honestly, I think a demon got inside of my stomach, took an knife and some fire and started wreaking havoc. Damn you demon.

I don’t remember too much from this point onwards, I just listened to music, but I remember finally getting into a comfortable position before my dad asked me to move my leg. It took all the self control I had to move it and place it, uncomfortably, in my footwell with a polite smile. I wanted to scream, to yell and swear and then attack everybody in the train carriage-to cry. To sob my heart out. I was (and still am) a hot mess.

So to every girl out their experiencing monthly torture, the rest of us are dying too, just hold on until you find someone to scream at, until the pain’s gone. And remember, although pregnancy holds off the pain for 9 months, you’re then left with a handful for at least 18 years. (It’s a last resort (I’m kidding, it’s your choice to get pregnant, not a last resort))

Alice x

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Some Badass Feminist Quotes

Image result for feminist quotes

(Not my image, found on google all rights go to Cosmopolitan)

I am an ardent feminist. I cannot STAND chauvinist, sexist pigs. (I’m sorry that’s an insult to a perfectly nice animal) So I decided to find some of my favourite quotes and I’ve narrowed it down to 10 quotes which are majorly awesome!

  1. “My coach said I ran like a girl, and I said if he ran a little faster he could too.”-Mia Hamm
  2. “Feminism has fought no wars. It has killed no opponents. It has set up no concentration camps, starved no enemies, practiced no cruelties. Its battles have been for education, for the vote, for better working conditions, for safety in the streets, for child care, for social welfare, for rape crisis centres, women’s refuges, reforms in the law. If someone says, ‘Oh, I’m not a feminist’, I ask, ‘Why? What’s your problem?”-Dale Spender
  3. “I know, I know, I’m standing up for myself I am such a bitch.”-a picture of a sign at a women’s rally on Pinterest.
  4. “Feminism is not a dirty word. It does not mean you hate men, it does not mean you hate girls that have nice legs and a tan, and it does not mean you are a bitch or a dyke, it means that you believe in equality”-Kate Nash
  5. “If you believe in equality, you’re a feminist. Sorry to tell you.”-Emma Watson
  6. “We cannot all succeed when half of us are held back”-Malala
  7. “My body my choice”-Zolita in ‘Fight Like a Girl’ and lots of women’s signs at women’s marches.
  8. “A feminist is a person who believes in the power of women just as much as they believe in the power of anyone else. It’s equality, it’s fairness and I think it’s a great thing to be a part of”-Zendaya
  9. “Feminism is the radical notion that women are human beings.”-Cheris Kramerae
  10. “You can be a woman who wants to look good and still stand up for the equality of women.”-Meghan Markle

Image result for feminist quotes

(I don’t own this image either all rights go to the owner)

So, there you have it, 10 badass feminist quotes! What are your favourite feminist quotes? Tell me in the comments. (Heres hoping at least one person comments!) See you awesome feminists soon!

Alice x

Stress Relief

I get stressed a lot-and I mean a lot! So here are 3 of my tactics for coping with stress:

  1. Write. Or type I like to keep track of my feelings or do some creative writing-it really helps.
  2. Stress relievers (fidget spinners, stress balls, slime etc)
  3. Music-sing, dance, listen-music stimulates your entire brain and it’s brilliant!

Alice x

 

 

The Best Playlist

Breaking News: I got into the musical!

I am probably one of the least motivated people on earth-I cannot do exercise. I might want to and I think: If you jog 5k today overall, you can buy that cute purse. (spoiler alert: No purse) Or I might think: If I buy these nice, stylish trainers with cushioned soles and springy sponge padding, I’ll be able to run well and I’ll be more motivated. (spoiler alert: it doesn’t work)

So long ago, I gave up motivation for running and started some more fun exercise… DANCE! Now, I cannot dance-not modern, street, jazz, tap, Charleston, Ballet, whip nay nay, Ballroom or latin, Bollywood, Breakdancing, Electric slide, regular slide, Clog Dance, Conga, Cotillion, Western, Country, Foxtrot, Gigue, Flamenco, Gallop, Hip hop, Gumboot, Harlem Shake, Irish, Ice, Hula, Hornpipe, bellydance, line dance, Lindy hop, Jive, Maypole Dance (Ok, I did a little maypole dancing in primary school), Medieval, Minuet, Sword dancing, Jig, Moonwalk, Quadrille, Pole dance, Rumba, Robot, Rain dance, Waltz, Zumba, Buzz zumba, Salsa, Samba, Traditional, Tambourin, Stiletto, Tribal, or twerking. I can’t do any of them. I can, however, bounce randomly and energetically to music for about an hour until I’m exhausted. I especially like night-cored music because it’s so fast and high-energy. Here’s a list of the best playlist to work out to. (I use the slower songs for my warm up and cool down):

Nightcore songs:

Fight Like a Girl

S.L.U.T

Black Sea

I’m gonna show you crazy

Like a vampire

Pretty Little Psycho

This Little Girl

Pretty Girl

Sit Still Look Pretty

Run Devil Run

Confident

Most girls

Devil on my Shoulder

Hunter

Unstoppable

Do my thing

Miss calculation

Cry wolf

One woman army

Calling all the monsters

So what

Funhouse

Non-Nightcore:

Safe and Sound

Voices in my Head

Taylor swift reputation

Shake it off

Unstoppable

Thumbs

Power

Bad blood

Do Something!

Sometimes I feel as if I need to do something with my life-as if I’m doing nothing to impact the world. I have a dream to become a famous actress and one day be acting in movies with world famous actors/actresses like Margot Robbie, Will Smith, Millie Bobbie Brown, the Sprouse twins etc. It probably won’t happen-but I hope it will. So, because I want it so badly, I auditioned for the school musical (gasp). I can’t sing. Ok, maybe I can, but it sounds like a banshee wailing as she coughs up needles. But I can act and as, in this  musical, you don’t need to sing for most of the parts (I know right, how is this a musical?) I decided to audition and I got through to the call-backs. I did the callbacks earlier today and I’m really hoping I get in. I want to make something of my life and I’m encouraging you to, as well.

(By the way, the link on the word something is a gif and opens a new window)

Alice x

My 5 Great Mothers’ Day Surprises

Mothers’ Day is a great day to have lots of fun and be nice to your mum! She deserves it-I mean, she did give birth to you! And raise you. And let’s not forget feeding you-that one’s important! I thought I would document what I did for my mum. Here we go-My Five Great Mothers’ Day Surprises!

  1. The night before I made her a card, I glued on a picture of her, surrounded her with pictures of the things she loves (chocolate, earrings, daffodils) and used a ruler and a pen to draw lots of yellow lines going from her picture to the edges of the card.
  2. After that, I made a video about 5 nice things she’s done for me
  3. I bought her some daffodils
  4. and her favourites…. creme eggs!
  5. The next morning, I made her breakfast in bed and cake bites.

 

So, yeah, I think I gave my mum a great day! I also played some piano and stayed out of her way when she was cooking. (Essential for both of us) I hope every mother out there has had a great day and all of your children have organised some fun surprises and presents. It’s the least we could do.

Thankyou

Alice x

 

 

 

Breaks

You may have noticed that I have neglected to post for a while. (Awkward silence) WordPress isn’t working on my computer. I’ve taken a break to chill. It’s not working. Have you ever had a day when you smile and laugh and then go to bed and let Niagara Falls spill out of your eyelids? Maybe. Have you had it practically every night for a month-ish? Maybe not. That’s how it feels to hate yourself. To me. Is it possible to just rewind your life to a part where you were peaceful in the middle of the night and just lie there, breathing in the smell of air. Not stress, negativity or serious lack of sleep. Air. It’s not possible. Not possible to freeze time and lie there, breathing and focusing on your breaths, like meditation but slowly unwinding every single thing you’ve ever done wrong? Maybe its all my fault. I can’t help feeling that I never noticed what a horrible person I am. Your parents influence your behaviour when you are young and I used to be very close to my mum. then, the other day, I met up with her and she pointed to a girl’s legs and said ‘Her tights have so many holes!’. I was shocked. Later on, she commented to me on a girls hair ‘she looks like a badger. Major faux pas!’ What gave her the authority to say that? I mean, I know for a fact that my mums fashion sense is… less than conventional. But what horrified me was that I remembered a time where I would have laughed and agreed. Even worse, I think things like that. Hurtful, scathing remarks and I know that other people do too. I wanted to address this problem on my blog but I have to major blocks.
1. WordPress wasn’t working
2. I had no idea how to express it.
So I took a break from blogging and yeah, it didn’t really help so I guess its time to work, blog and cry.

Sorry for the negative blog post
Bl
Alice x