How to Escape From Kidnappers

London has overtaken New York’s murder rate this year. There has been a lot of knife crime, and there’s not much you can do to prevent a psycho from stabbing you. You can, however, escape captivity in several different ways.

  1. For girls, so the kidnapper has handcuffed you to the wall. With a little wriggling. You can get your hands to your bra. Try to pull out your underwire and pick the lock with it. Just stick it in the key hole and twist it. Freedom.
  2. If your kidnapper is a guy, kick him in the balls hard and then shove your palm upwards into his face, make sure to shove his nose towards his skull. Run as fast as you can and leave any belongings you have to snatch from him-there’s a chance he may have a high pain tolerance.
  3. If your kidnapper is a girl, punch her in the chest and kick her in the stomach. If she’s still doesn’t let you go, pull her hair as hard as you can. Claw at her face and run.
  4. Are you holding anything distracting? Try smashing glass, pottery etc or throwing rocks to divert attention. Of course, nobody is going to care if you chuck a pebble into a bush. I’m talking grabbing a large rock or two and hurling it (or them) at someone’s head.
  5. So they kidnapper has grabbed you from behind. Go limp to loosen their grip and reach through your legs for their ankle. Grab it and pull it to throw them off balance and hopefully make them let go.
  6. Tied up? Tense your muscles and stick your chest/stomach put when they’re tying you up. Then, relax to make the ropes looser. Try to locate the weakest knot and pick at it. Wriggle your fingers out and work at this weak knot. Once undone, focus on the next weakest knot until you can wiggle out of the ropes.
  7. If someone clamps their hand over your mouth, you can still scream. The muffled scream catches more attention than the ordinary scream. Also try biting their hand.
  8. Are they holding a gun? If not or if it’s limply at their side, kick it out of their hand and stamp on people’s feet (bonus point if you’re wearing stilettos.)
  9. A girl’s purse is full of weapons. Hairspray/body spray-aim straight for the eyes. A hairbrush-conk then over the head with it or scratch at their eyes with the bristles. Lipstick/lipgloss can be shoved down their throat to make them choke and release you.
  10. IMPROVISE! There’s always something you can escape with. A can of soup? Hit them on the head with it; fruit juice? Unscrew it and splash it in their eyes; wearing boots? Grab the loose bit that goes up your leg, swing it round and hit them in the face with the heel/sole.

Practise kicking and hitting things and your aim for self defence purposes only. (Although watch out if you insult Taylor Swift or Selena Gomez)

Alice x

 

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