Ways to Get Your Back on Cheaters

Cheaters. The most despicable swine in modern day society. Well, in most cases anyway. I can’t think of any time when it would be acceptable but there must be some. Here are some ways to catch them out at different times of the year.

 

CHRISTMAS/WINTER

 

  1. Walk in on your boyfriend cheating? No problem, cut holes in his  jumpers and shirts. It’s winter. Do I need to explain further?
  2. Know but he doesn’t know you do? When he gets home, hold up mistletoe and while you kiss, pin a sign on his back saying ‘I know he cheated’. These may be evil but cheaters are evil.

 

EASTER/ SHROVE TUESDAY

  1. Buy him a cheap, small Easter egg. Open in carefully, unwrap the top and break a small hole in it. Slip in a piece of paper which says ‘I hope you’re a better boyfriend to _________.  Then put the foil back on the top of the egg and tape the box back up with a note next to it saying ‘Happy Easter!!! Working late so don’t expect me home soon!!!’ By Soon, you mean never.
  2. If it’s pancake day, pile up a stack of pancakes for him and fill a glass with maple syrup. In between the top one and the one below, write a note saying ‘I hope you and ________ are very happy together you *******.

 

THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER

  1. Ok, so when he’s asleep, fill his room with heaters on full blast, put notes on them, telling the pig you’re done.
  2. Make him lemonade, but blend it with salt and toothpaste. Blend it hard so it looks like lemonade and use filter paper to strain the solution into a glass. Garnish with a mint leaf and serve it to him. It will taste disgusting and you can tell him he’s a cheating pig whilst he’s drinking the grossest drink ever.

YOUR BIRTHDAY/HIS BIRTHDAY

  1. If it’s his birthday, wrap up a box filled with bubble wrap and a small note to the cheating pig.
  2. If it’s your birthday, open his present and then take all your presents and walk out. Dramatic and you get to keep the present.

 

Ok, maybe some of these are a bit dramatic but, hey! So’s cheating!

Alice x

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