Cheaters. The most despicable swine in modern day society. Well, in most cases anyway. I can’t think of any time when it would be acceptable but there must be some. Here are some ways to catch them out at different times of the year.
- Walk in on your boyfriend cheating? No problem, cut holes in his jumpers and shirts. It’s winter. Do I need to explain further?
- Know but he doesn’t know you do? When he gets home, hold up mistletoe and while you kiss, pin a sign on his back saying ‘I know he cheated’. These may be evil but cheaters are evil.
EASTER/ SHROVE TUESDAY
- Buy him a cheap, small Easter egg. Open in carefully, unwrap the top and break a small hole in it. Slip in a piece of paper which says ‘I hope you’re a better boyfriend to _________. Then put the foil back on the top of the egg and tape the box back up with a note next to it saying ‘Happy Easter!!! Working late so don’t expect me home soon!!!’ By Soon, you mean never.
- If it’s pancake day, pile up a stack of pancakes for him and fill a glass with maple syrup. In between the top one and the one below, write a note saying ‘I hope you and ________ are very happy together you *******.
THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER
- Ok, so when he’s asleep, fill his room with heaters on full blast, put notes on them, telling the pig you’re done.
- Make him lemonade, but blend it with salt and toothpaste. Blend it hard so it looks like lemonade and use filter paper to strain the solution into a glass. Garnish with a mint leaf and serve it to him. It will taste disgusting and you can tell him he’s a cheating pig whilst he’s drinking the grossest drink ever.
YOUR BIRTHDAY/HIS BIRTHDAY
- If it’s his birthday, wrap up a box filled with bubble wrap and a small note to the cheating pig.
- If it’s your birthday, open his present and then take all your presents and walk out. Dramatic and you get to keep the present.
Ok, maybe some of these are a bit dramatic but, hey! So’s cheating!