Types of Friends

Friends… We all need them. We all depend on them. We all love them. We all hate them. Here are the types of friends most people meet in their lives.

The Besties!!!!!

‘Yay!!! We are besties!! Remember that time in year two when I came to your house and we made friendship bracelets!’(they hold up their wrists with the bracelets in question on)

These people have either been friends for like 10 years or they are newfound friends who are almost inseparable and getting to know each other.

The Attention Seeking Friend

This Friend is a camel.(Metaphorically) They stock up as many compliments and sympathies as possible in an invisible hump and then survive on it (for approximately two seconds until somehow they direct the conversation back to themselves.) I have to say that normally this is just a friend going through a phase and normally they are a good friend they just need a bit of attention because of drama in their lives.

The Drama Queen

Another name for this one is Alice. Yeah, this is me.

Oh no!  A broken nail! Two hours later you receive a letter to its  funeral where I cry and sob and bury it next to my ancestors. Was that space meant for my great grandchildren? Oh well, I’m so aggrieved that I am to upset to carry on the family.

Ah! This nail polish is labelled midnight black but really it’s cat black!!! What next? Lemon yellow labelled citrus yellow?! This shop is determined to ruin my life!!!! What is the world coming to?! The horror the horror! Oh my god!!! Those people haven’t noticed – they must be robots sent to trick everybody else – or even innocent people being tricked maliciously!!!! I can’t deal with this?! I’m melting!!! My body is oozing on the floor!!! What is the point of my being I can’t handle this serious problem!!!

(Cue shoppers to anxiously step around me, avoiding my eyes and my friends to drag me out, red as a banana!!) OH MY GOD! This stupid blogger just called bananas red! (Faints)

The boy     friend

This is somebody who is your friend who is a boy. The thing is, you kiiiinda like him. But you don’t let on. Instead, you get your drama queen friend to cause a scene and while he’s distracted, the attention seeker demands attention and he doesn’t notice you sneaking his phone and checking everything about him. Obviously, you’ve memorised every password he has ever had. What?! It’s not weird!!!!!!!

Mush Muah!!! Can he come too?

This is the person who is so ridiculously wrapped up in their boyfriend that their name isn’t Maddie anymore. No, it’s just Mad because she’s mad for her lad!!!!! You hang out as often as Taylor Swift has a white and red Afro!! (never) And if miraculously that hair dye comes out and you do hang out, I can GUARANTEE that the boyfriend comes too.

The ‘Sophisticated’ friend.

So, you’re all drinking soda and she’s drinking espresso with a demure face and her pinky out. Never too old for a wacky hand shake, right? Wrong. She’s ‘too old’ air kisses only, please. This friend tend too look quite grown up and knows a lot of ‘ older things’. In other words, she can get your 18 year old butt inside that 21+ club! (Hang onto this friend she’s valuable)

The Unique Friend

(Also Me)

As soon as there is enough money and the parents can’t stop this friend, the hair turns purple. There are never too many sequins. Alright, today I’m a goth. Where did I get this belt? I made it from plastic bottles I recycled. Today, I’m protesting against littering. This eyeliner? Oh it’s just lipgloss with glitter stuck on. Wiggle brows? No! That is Sooo mainstream. Im dying them purple and shaving them in zig zags. They’ll match my hair.

The online friend

Chances are, you’ve never met this friend. I mean, it can be dangerous because 20 year old ‘Chloe’ could actually be 50 year old hacker, Dennis. As long as you have anti- virus and anti-hacking software, it’s usually fine to have these friends as long as you don’t meet them except in public places with lots of friends and you don’t tell them any of your personal data. You guys think my name’s Alice. But what if it’s actually Ava, or Sophie? I could even be Bob!!!!

Unsociable Social Media Addict

Listen honey. If you’re reading this and ur friends are chatting across the table, you should probably talk to them. I’m a phone addict, so i know what it’s like. However, even if there’s social in the name, doesn’t mean using it is being sociable.

So, that is all for today!! Recently I’ve been in Italy!! ( back now) Shoutout to pizza!!!!!!!!! I hope you know that we all contain a bit from all of these friends, especially me and they are all amazing!!! Friends are amazing!!!! They’re the people who pretend to be guys to piss off exs. You NEED  friends so… anybody want to be my friend 🙂 ? I’m not that awful, I swear!!!

See you guys soon!

Alice x


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