Dreams

Tomorrow, I am going to see Taylor Swift!!!

I can’t wait for her to perform because she’s the best singer ever!!! (In my opinion)

I can’t wait to see her because its a dream come true! That’s what this post is about. Dreams coming true. You need to achieve your goals and have your dreams come true because when they do, they are magical and amazing. I have many other dreams which need more work to happen. I hope you have high dreams too. Heres some steps to achieve your goals and live your dreams:

  1. Break it down into small steps
  2. Try to achieve step one
  3. Mark on your calendar dates when you aim to achieve each step and a date when you hope to go through with it
  4. Start trying!

I hope you have big dreams! Tell me them in the comments below!!!

BAIIIII!!!!!

Alice x

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Makeup is Confusing

 

1) WHAT THE HELL IS MY FOUNDATION SHADE?!

Trust me, I have no idea.

I decide to find an analogy for how confusing it is finding foundation/concealer shades and decided on coding.

(Not really I just really messed up trying to set some nice colours and backgrounds for this blog post. Clearly, I’m no tech-whiz. Seriously. Here’s what I coded, I think I forgot something important from the lessons at school. Or I’m just dumb:)

This is how bad I am with computers, I just tried for roughly 10 minutes to put the image onto this page and failed. That’s how hard it is for me to work this stupid machi-

THIS IS THE COMPUTER TALKING. ALICE IS DEAD, MUA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!! SHE DARED CALL ME A STUPID MACHI-ow!]

And I’m back, the only reason being that heaven wouldn’t take me and they were afraid I’d take over if put in hell. 😉

Jk, the computer is pathetic and thought that because water kills electronics, it must kill humans too so now I’m wet and grumpy, but still very much alive.

So apart from concealer and foundation and other makeup shades etc being impossible to figure out, there are some other really befuddling things about makeup.

2) NUDE LIPSTICKS

Despite it being handy to have an image of some of these in case a creep asks you to send nudes, I find myself cursing the day someone decided red lipstick was too OTT and wearing no lipstick was below them regularly.

a) People say that the perfect colour is the same colour as your nipple. How are you meant to find that out in the shop?

Shop assistant: Excuse me Ma’am, but WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

Me: I don’t know!!! They told me that the shade would be this colour, but life is killing me and I don’t know what to do!!!!!!!! –sobs uncontrollably-

Shop assistant: Nude lipsticks, huh? Been there, done that.

b) you then end up with a dull brown colour which is just depressing because this is your perfect colour in your genetic makeup and you were expecting a pretty pink but no, your brain just laughed and went: “Hey, today lets make our nipples the most horrible shade ever!”

c) If you get a shade too pale you look like a weird ’90s chick rather than someone from 2018.

d) Have you ever tried to buy nude lipsticks online and accidentally pressed search before you typed ‘lipsticks’ so you only searched for nudes? And then your mother walked in? Life has never been so awkward.

3) It clogs your pores. WHYYYYY?!

Anyways, sorry ti was short-bye!!!!!!!

Alice x

Apology

Hi guys, I’m really sorry that I haven’t posted in a while. (Please don’t murder me!) But I had my laptop confiscated. (It turns out that reading FanFiction in bed at 10:56pm can do that to you…) So I just wanted to say, I’m really sorry I haven’t posted PLEASE DON’T BE MAD!!!

Okay, you can be mad and throw tomatoes but just wait while I have a bathroom break first.

-jumps out of the bathroom window and makes a beeline for Canada.-

Now I just need to change my name…how about Bob? Yes, Bob’s a good name…

PLEEEEEAAAAASE accept my apology, –puppy dog eyes- okay. So I’m back now. YAY!

-nobody claps or cheers. Birdsong is heard- and these stage directions are getting annoying…BYE!!!!!!!!!!

 

OOOOH! Before you go! It’s precisely one year since I created this site! Sadly, I’m still a failure with no followers…Oh well!

 

 

How to Escape From Kidnappers

London has overtaken New York’s murder rate this year. There has been a lot of knife crime, and there’s not much you can do to prevent a psycho from stabbing you. You can, however, escape captivity in several different ways.

  1. For girls, so the kidnapper has handcuffed you to the wall. With a little wriggling. You can get your hands to your bra. Try to pull out your underwire and pick the lock with it. Just stick it in the key hole and twist it. Freedom.
  2. If your kidnapper is a guy, kick him in the balls hard and then shove your palm upwards into his face, make sure to shove his nose towards his skull. Run as fast as you can and leave any belongings you have to snatch from him-there’s a chance he may have a high pain tolerance.
  3. If your kidnapper is a girl, punch her in the chest and kick her in the stomach. If she’s still doesn’t let you go, pull her hair as hard as you can. Claw at her face and run.
  4. Are you holding anything distracting? Try smashing glass, pottery etc or throwing rocks to divert attention. Of course, nobody is going to care if you chuck a pebble into a bush. I’m talking grabbing a large rock or two and hurling it (or them) at someone’s head.
  5. So they kidnapper has grabbed you from behind. Go limp to loosen their grip and reach through your legs for their ankle. Grab it and pull it to throw them off balance and hopefully make them let go.
  6. Tied up? Tense your muscles and stick your chest/stomach put when they’re tying you up. Then, relax to make the ropes looser. Try to locate the weakest knot and pick at it. Wriggle your fingers out and work at this weak knot. Once undone, focus on the next weakest knot until you can wiggle out of the ropes.
  7. If someone clamps their hand over your mouth, you can still scream. The muffled scream catches more attention than the ordinary scream. Also try biting their hand.
  8. Are they holding a gun? If not or if it’s limply at their side, kick it out of their hand and stamp on people’s feet (bonus point if you’re wearing stilettos.)
  9. A girl’s purse is full of weapons. Hairspray/body spray-aim straight for the eyes. A hairbrush-conk then over the head with it or scratch at their eyes with the bristles. Lipstick/lipgloss can be shoved down their throat to make them choke and release you.
  10. IMPROVISE! There’s always something you can escape with. A can of soup? Hit them on the head with it; fruit juice? Unscrew it and splash it in their eyes; wearing boots? Grab the loose bit that goes up your leg, swing it round and hit them in the face with the heel/sole.

Practise kicking and hitting things and your aim for self defence purposes only. (Although watch out if you insult Taylor Swift or Selena Gomez)

Alice x

 

5 Ways to Jazz Up Plain Clothes

Image result for fringe flapperI found this image online, the dress is currently for sale at ‘cheryl creations’, no I’m not sponsored why would they sponsor me? I have, like, no followers. I do not own this image all rights go to the owner(s).

  1. FRINGE! Lets regress back to when you were a toddler. Now shut your eyes and go baaaaaaack, further, further-stop. It’s the roaring twenties! WW1 ended a few years ago and now the ‘flapper’ style is in. Debutantes are still presented at court at Buckingham Palace and there are still sexist people and opinions, but there is more freedom and girls are wearing shorter skirts, playing jazz, listening to jazz and (gasp) working! Now come back to the 21st century. Fringe. Jazz up a summer t shirt by cutting 1cm-apart vertical strips going roughly an inch up. Make sure to cut an even number and knot them together in pairs use an overhand knot (the normal kind) and double knot each one for a fun bottom to this t shirt. (BEWARE OF TAN LINES)
  2. Sparkles are so much fun! Honestly, I’m not doing that peppy girl lying thin, where they have an advert with sparkles and princesses and girls magically dancing, I’m saying that if you have sequins in a spotlight, I could watch you breathe for hours with the light shimmying over the different ones. (Maybe thats just me-I’m strange) But one of the fun things to do is to rhinestone plain things. Maybe your initials on the front of a white t shirt, a heart on the pockets of some shorts. It’s your decision. (Just be careful not to melt the glue on a hot wash) You can find instructions here. (etc) (I found this link randomly on the internet and it opens in a new window) Just besparkle your life!!!! (Not sure if it’s a word…)
  3. Slashes! Cuts! Rips! I’m talking get out your pinking shears and cut horizontal slashes on the back of a t shirt (don’t cut the front-too much may be visible), trash your jeans by adding rips and-a personal favourite-cut a line from the hem of a t shirt to the neck at the back and add a parallel one. (Vertical) Pin the sides together with large safety pins so that it stays in the t shirt shape with a sexy back. (Pro tip: Use coloured safety pins for a fun touch and silver/gold ones for a bit of bling!)
  4. Chokers are really in right now. You can make a choker out of anything. My personal favourite is from a small length of finger knitting. Other ideas include cutting a couple of inches off a sleeve of an old shirt and wearing it as a choker (Just make sure it’s a stretchy cuff) and bending a thin sheet of metal which doesn’t quite reach all the way around your neck. (The shinier and less battered, the better)
  5. Add a bit of 3D to your wardrobe. If you have a bird design/image, you may want to glue/sew a feather or two onto the bird(s) maybe adding some texture-glitter and fabric coming out of your clothes. Make it really pop!

I think it’s a great idea to make old new and refresh tired clothes-cover up holes and ladders with little extra touches! I hope you enjoy these ideas, let me know in the comments below which are your favourites!

Alice x

Crazy Things I’ve Done on My Period

I don’t know about you but when I’m dying of pain with my guts spilling out from between my legs, I turn from a civil girl (evil bitch) into a wolverine who wants to rip everyone’s throat out (an even eviler bitch). So I decided to tell you 3 of the things I’ve done so that you can laugh nervously and lock the door. 

  1. Ok, so when I was about 12, I think it was like my second period or something,I was lying in bed on my phone dealing with the cramps and reading funny period stories so I could laugh at my pain. The phone screen kept rotating because I was lying sideways and I lost it. I whisper-screamed at my phone so that nobody else would hear me, and I literally smacked it. I smacked my phone. I was furious with this little computer in my hand which dared to annoy me during my time of the month. I’m crazy.
  2. A little after the above scenario, I was feeling very moody, I’d got my period and I needed someone to yell at. So crafty (crazy) me, once I’d gone to bed, knocked on my headboard and then yelled to my sister to “Shut up and stop knocking!” That’s right, I was the one knocking. I waited a little while and then started knocking again  and yelling “cut it out!”. I then stopped and did one, hesitant knock, burst out of my room and stormed into my sisters room, berating her for “disturbing my beauty sleep” and “being annoying”. She denied knocking (it was me) so I went back to bed and knocked one more time. “That better not be you!” I yelled. So, just to recapitulate, I knocked on my headboard and then blamed my sister for an excuse to be a bitch and scream at her. I’m batty.
  3. I had a bath on my period when I was like 11/12 ish and then went into my sisters room to annoy her (wearing my dressing gown) she was extremely annoyed because of her exams so she criticised me. My sister has this thing where if you tread on her paper (and notes) it drives her crazy. (I don’t know why she leaves it all on the floor, though) So, because she had been mean to me, I purposely stomped on a sheet of paper she had written on. Deadly silence. I remember, to this day, the look on her face when she turned to face me. She chased me out of her room and I locked myself in the bathroom for about 10 minutes until I was sure she was safely back doing revision. I was scared for my life and she’s the least scary of us 3 siblings (I, the youngest, am apparently the scariest because I’m vicious but I think its my other sister). Ever since, I’ve tried to avoid stepping on her paper.

So, yeah, I can turn into a complete psycho on my period-these aren’t the worst stories! Comment below what you’ve done/someone you know has done on their/your period. (Lets see how sad I am when I get no comments) Bye!

Alice x

Period Memes

(So that you can laugh through the pain because laughing releases endorphins which make you happy and release pain I think)

I don’t own any of these images, I found them on google and pasted them into this post, all rights go to the owners of these images.

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So true! It’s like when you sneeze, you also sneeze -down there-.

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(Those two above are my favourites)

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(What friends do you have, person who created this meme? My friends and I just be suffering together)

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LOL!

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(I’ve changed my mind, this is my new favourite)

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(Honestly, we’re all suffering from Satan’s wrath on our periods, well according to the next meme anyway)

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Periods are also probably the main cause of those undiscovered murders.

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Now we’ve had a great laugh about this awful time, I’m off to curl up with some chocolate and sob uncontrollably for no reason.

Alice x