Easy life hacks From a Woman’s Purse

  1. Use a sanitary towel to create a padded back-of-heel in painful high heels.
  2. Use the arms of folded up sunglasses to prop up your phone.
  3. Cut the rubber, elastic edge at the wrist of a disposable glove off for a hair band. (Ok, maybe you don’t carry these around but you should! Nail danger zones!)
  4. Coins (especially 10ps) work really well as screwdrivers to escape from locked bathrooms.
  5. Riding a bike in a skirt? Use a barrette to clip the back and  front of the skirt together in between your legs.
  6. Use a credit card to open locked bathroom doors and school/uni swipe cards for getting around campus to push the locks of broken doors back to open the door easily.
  7. Make a guitar pick out of an old credit card or use your spare pair of socks (preferably cosy ones for the winter) to protect your fingertips.
  8. Use a bobby pin to grip the loose end of a belt and your jeans together.
  9. Use bobby pins, old shopping lists and old receipts (with the return date old) to save your place in books and reserve the end of tape.
  10. Use aloe vera lip salve to smooth back baby hairs and keep in place. (Good for eyebrows)
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Painful Memories

Can u remember pain? No, I think the answer is. You remember having pain but you can’t really remember the feel of pain. It hurts and it’s bad, but what does it actually feel like. If you try to remember you’ll probably end up tending your muscles subconsciously in the place where it hurts. I can’t remember how tearing a ligament felt like. Or being jumped on by an eleven year old girl felt like. So perhaps it’s for the best. Our body’s way of protecting us.

Alice x

Impossible.

Let’a have a look at the word first. IMPOSsible. A bit like IMPOSing. Maybe that just shows how impossible things are imply imposing threats, looming up on the horizon. They used to believe that it was impossible to teach women to read. Look where we are now! They also used to believe it was impossible for men to aim for the toilet properly. (Ok in some cases that’s right).

Flying: Planes, helicopters, hot air balloons

Space travel: Rockets, moon landings, satellite, that daredevil guy who did a skydive from the very edge of our atmosphere.

Stereotypical character appearances: Have you ever seen hotter psychopath then jared Leto’s joker? I’m just saying.

So you see, the word impossible simply means: I’m afraid of this so I will label it and avoid it.

Or something like that. Believe as many impossible things as you can.

See you awesome readers soon!

Alice x

Great Replies to Sexist Idiots 2

I’ve done some replies for sexist idiots before so be prepared for the sequel!

  1. Right, us women should hold our periods in because we can control it. While we’re doing that, why don’t you work on controlling those erections. (Walks off calmly)
  2. You’re right the kitchen is my domain, after all, it contains all the knives. (Ok, don’t say this one to strangers because it can be seen as threatening. It’s more a thing to say to partners if they get a bit rude.
  3. I’m sorry, what was that? I couldn’t hear you over the news reports about TimesUp and #metoo.
  4. Just shut up. Yep, that’s right… I know I’m just a stupid woman, but talking aggressively is not shutting up. Even I know that.
  5. Why can’t boys wear glitter on their faces? The same reason girls arent as strong. The evil tikki gods are manipulating our minds. Well yours anyway, and you can’t argue with my religious beliefs because that is very rude.

 

Ok, maybe you wouldn’t say all of these but hey, they aren’t for the purpose of use, more for laughs after you’ve been dissed by a sexist idiot.

Alice x

Boredom

Chronic Boredom. Bore-Syndrome. Boring Person Disease. Plain Mind Pox.

Multitasking, Cooking, Gardening, Swimming, Cantonese, Violin, Irish dancing-Nothing seems to work. Hobbies are what keep you from being bored. Unfortunately, if you grow used to doing a hobby you tend to become used to it and it blends into the mundane routine of life. From a bright fuchsia pink to a plain muted-blush.

So how to stop this from happening? This current time is the time of phones, computers, technology and funny cat videos. (The ones of cats thinking cucumbers are snakes are hilarious) Maybe if people kept themselves a bit distanced from their phones, they could do some things for themselves with huge benefits rather than letting a small programmed device tell you everything about everyone. Your phone isn’t going to go onto a news article with a huge red warning saying ‘FAKE NEWS’ is it? And echos don’t tell you before you see articles whether they are correct. This is why people are so dependent on gadgets which constantly feed them false information. Because they haven’t used initiative to check what could potentially be harmful or just plain wrong. Th either day I was sick. Boohoo me, thanks everybody for commenting that. (Just kidding ;))

I kept picking up my phone even though there was no wifi and nothing to do on it. I kept just looking at that home screen and swiping all around for no reason. (I should just use a fidget spinner. Oh well, it’s 2018, I guess I should just throw it out. :()

I don’t really know what the message of this post was. I’m kinda bored. Maybe that’s why. I think it might be that we should be stepping away from screens. Working our brains. Taking over the world. (Oops, well that was my summer plan) So, work out something, like where my mind went. (I think I left it in the Bermuda Triangle)

Alice x

 

Mistakes

When I was at primary school, my sister had a maths teacher who’s favourite saying was, ‘Mistakes are the portals to discovery’. I never really liked things like mindfulness (I mean, it felt like brainwashing) and resilience. (I mean, if your failing, trying the exact same thing again probably isn’t going to help. Switch it up people.) but I can see how they work and how mistakes help people to learn.

(One mistake in particular, when I first played hockey, I tore my ligament and now I avoid hockey and in my old school I learnt to not trust the teacher who saw it and told me to ‘get up and jog around’)

You see it’s incidents like this which really make you think about what the heck you’re doing with your life. Actually, one of my favourite quotes is the sort of annoying thing I’d say if I kept failing and people were getting sick of it.

‘I have not failed I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work’ Thomas Edison

 

So I hope that you never fail and instead find a ton of faulty methods. 😉

Alice x